Category Archives: Personal
friday night, nyc, the crowd, the tree, and the question
it was the last weekend before christmas. for me, i’ve always wanted to have a christmas experience in new york city. since this is the first year we are back east, a big group of us decided to go into new york city to see the tree at rockefeller center. it was also the first time ben and i brought our older two kids with us into the city.
so it was a special night.
it was also special because one of ben’s brothers was going to ask his then-girlfriend to marry him.
in front of the tree, in front of a bigger-than-normal nyc crowd.
…and she said yes!!
Share on Facebookwith a thankful heart, i give you this
honestly, i can’t believe thanksgiving is in two days. 2011 has been one of the most frustrating, adventurous, rewarding, best and worst year for me. in a way, i am glad it is coming to an end. but then again, i want to savor every last bit of this year.
here’s what i mean.
ever since our cross-country move, my life had been consisted of doing laundry, late night feedings, diaper changes, establishing a new routine for the two older kids (and for me as well), cooking, doing the dishes, unpacking from our boxes and everything else in between. at a place where we currently call ‘home’. ben had officially resigned from the LAPD and we both were forced to become familiar with his brand new work schedule; this meant not seeing each other much during the week. at times, my temper would grow thin from dealing with three children 5 and under all by myself for the whole entire day. when ben finally did come home at the end of the day he would be so tired that all he wanted to do was to find his pillow and nothing else mattered much. the only way to keep me sane–making images and blogging–became impossible. i hardly had the time to even shower. i became frustrated when i realized that i really didn’t even have 5 minutes in a day to myself. in the midst of all this business, strangely, i have had the opportunity to hear the voice of my heavenly father often. it has been so loud and clear.
he’s telling me to persevere.
he’s telling me to trust him.
he’s telling me it’s not an accident i am where i am in life today.
he’s telling me to slow down, and to live one day at a time.
he’s telling me to look around.
he’s telling me to keep going.
he’s telling me to love, even when it’s difficult.
he’s telling me that he is.
he’s telling me even though i can’t see clearly what’s ahead of me, he is there.
i have not felt this close to him in a long time. it sounds ironic but because life had been quite difficult to handle the past few months, to me, his love had never felt so real and solid. i can almost reach out and touch it. there is no other love that i can completely rest my hopes in. the only driving force that kept me going when i wanted to give up was knowing that he is that light at the end of this tunnel. and i want to remember this. i want to savor every last bit of this closeness.
my good friend molly wrote to me recently and it hit home:
god uses our circumstances to draw ourselves closer to him and to show our dependence on him.
i know that if it weren’t for his strength, i wouldn’t have made it this far. i couldn’t have made it this far.
2011 had been quite a year. but there is also so much i am thankful for. SO MUCH.
happy thanksgiving. xoxo
Share on Facebook
bethany + matthew : their story | october
october 22nd was a big day for bethany and matthew. it was the day they put their thoughts into actions. do you remember the beginning of their story from last month? a few months ago, they lost their home to a flood for the second time. although they had many reasons to become bitter, they chose not to. instead, they were grateful.
‘i almost wanted to thank God for allowing this to happen so we had this opportunity to help out our neighbors.’ was what she later told me.
it was a chilly saturday morning. instead of getting busy working on their own home which was still filled with boxes and empty walls, they stepped out and served their neighbors. as i follwed bethany ‘home’ for a few minutes, i was once again struck with the idea of how much they really have, despite their overwhelming loss.
bethany + matthew, october, 2011:
from los angeles to home | 10 on 10
(this month, i have decided to join some very talented photographers for a fun little project called 10 on 10. for me, the purpose of this project is to use 10 images that i took the past month to tell a story. please head over to Sara Tegman | St Louis Family Photographer to see her 10 on 10 for october. 
)
the first time we talked seriously about going back home was earlier this year. at the time, we had just celebrated another christmas and new year without family. being two and a half months pregnant, we were about to become a family of five. i remember thinking, how much longer could we do this? it had been nearly five years since we packed everything up and moved cross-country. caleb, my oldest, was just a few weeks old as we said our goodbyes to our loved ones. even though we made spending summers back home a priority each year, it had become increasingly hard each time we parted. phone calls, texting and skype solved our homesickness temporarily. good friends and fellowship in so-cal did made going through life easier. but nothing could ever take the place of family.
however, returning home meant giving up many things. as ben and i had grown accustomed to our lifestyle in beautiful southern california, going home meant moving back to new jersey. i mean, who chooses to move to new jersey these days??? not many. :) but as we talked and prayed more, we felt even though it wouldn’t be an easy decision, it would be the right decision.
our third child, jacob, was born on june 19. immediately following his birth, we began to seriously pack. as i folded each t-shirt into a cardboard box, i also realized this ‘moving’ thing wouldn’t be so easy this time around. five years ago, we packed belongings for three people. besides clothes and a few personal belongings, there wasn’t much to bring. this time around, we were packing for five people; and all the memories we made in the past five years.
as i sit here and type out these words, the weather is getting chilly and the leaves are turning colors. it is october and we have been back in nj for a few months. these months have been some of the busiest, craziest yet most rewarding times in both ben’s and my life. as we adjust to making this semi-familiar place our new home, being with our loved ones cements in our hearts we made the right choice. as i watch my kids running around the same playground their daddy used to play on and looking out the same lake where their daddy grew up, i know everything will be just fine. we are now home.
“home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.” ~john ed pearce
Share on Facebook
bethany + matthew : their story | september
this is the story of bethany and matthew, who had lost their home twice in four years to floods. as they are going to rebuild their home for the second time with a brand new baby girl, i will have the privilege to follow them along this journey. this is the story of a couple whose faith is made even stronger through adversity. it’s a story of believing and real love.
september, 2011.
Also posted in Couples, Portraits
5 Comments
find me here
